Every once in a while, someone comes up with a truly great new product: The Tesla. The Fit-Bit. The Pop-Tart.

Yet most of the time … they don’t. They come up with a tiny twist on an old product and expect us to give a whoop. That’s hard, especially when you know their secret: They use — unless I’m mistaken — the Skenazy New-ish Product Generator.

You can, too. Just mix and match from columns A and B, or go hog-wild and string together A, B, B+, and C. Or go super-hip and try C, B, A. Fire-roasted Froot Loops and Flamin’ Hot crumb cakes await.

Hurry, before corporate America beats you to them.

Column A 

Antibiotic
Probiotic
Proud-independent-biotic
Shade-grown
Cold brew
Painfully crunchy
Whole-grain
Vegan-smoked
Slow-churned
Home-schooled
Lactose extremely intolerant
Garden-harvested
House-arrested
Fire-roasted
Fire-burnt-to-a-crisp
Yogurt-covered
Tension-busting
Grain-fed
Hormone-drenched
Cavity-fighting
Cucumber-melon
Soft-baked
Shape-shifting
Cauliflower-obsessed
Pepper-glazed
No-rinse
Dulce de leche
Super-chunky-to-the-point-of-being-almost-solid
Green tea
White tea
Greenish-whitish tea
Quintuple-cream
Lite
Never-even-MET-a-trans-fat
Cinnamon-honey
Greek 
Flamin’ hot
Flamin’ hot Greek 

Column B 

Crumb cake
Coke
Coffee
Crest
Froot Loops
Tums
Diet Pepsi
Dryer sheets
Bacon strips
Softsoap
Aquafina
Haagen-Dazs
Oreos
SpaghettiO’s
Cheerios
Butter substitute
Margarine substitute
Substitute substitute
Applesauce
Hot Pockets
Ranch dressing
Baby wipes
Pretzel bites
Turkey dogs
Protein bars
Fritos
Burritos
Doritos
Mojitos
Espresso beans
Instant matcha 
Spanx
Spanx-For-Your-Ears
Tide

B +  — OPTIONAL 

For men

Column C — With …

A splash of juice
A hint o’ mint
A gram o’ ham
A drop o’ slop
Lotsa matzah
Citrus-lavender-yoga-mat freshness
Pomegranate molasses
Teeth-whitening agents
Teeth-replacing agents — NEW
Insurance agents
Grapefruit extract
Ginseng swirls
Portobello flakes
Squid-ink stain packets
Breath-reviving micro-beads
Skin-softening moisture spores
Subatomic Parmesan particles
Quick-acting vodka
Marshmallows and spelt
Garlic ‘n’ ginkgo
Yet more honey and cinnamon
87 percent pure cacao
Ketamine krunchies
Pepper puffs
Panko panties
Extra, nigh on explosive, fiber
Three Greek brothers and their sheep
Or — when all else fails — Lime 

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