A shocking new report from the Senate Committee on Homeland Security says that the Federal Reserve has been caught flat-footed by Communist Chinese spies trying to find out the secrets of the Fed. We wish them luck. We don’t want to be misunderstood here, but we’ve been trying to get the central bank’s secrets for years and it’s easier to mine for Bitcoin. Here, though, are five of the most closely guarded secrets of the Fed:

The Fed has no idea what’s going to happen. It failed to call the 20008 recession and the current inflation. Several years ago the Wall Street Journal editorial page, one of the biggest retail dealers in secrets of the Fed, published a chart of the Fed’s predictions. Not one of them came within a kiloparsec of what actually happened. The Journal found it “remarkable that the Fed is so wrong so often.”