A shocking new report from the Senate Committee on Homeland Security says that the Federal Reserve has been caught flat-footed by Communist Chinese spies trying to find out the secrets of the Fed. We wish them luck. We don’t want to be misunderstood here, but we’ve been trying to get the central bank’s secrets for years and it’s easier to mine for Bitcoin. Here, though, are five of the most closely guarded secrets of the Fed:

The Fed has no idea what’s going to happen. It failed to call the 20008 recession and the current inflation. Several years ago the Wall Street Journal editorial page, one of the biggest retail dealers in secrets of the Fed, published a chart of the Fed’s predictions. Not one of them came within a kiloparsec of what actually happened. The Journal found it “remarkable that the Fed is so wrong so often.”

The Fed might employ as many as a thousand economists. No one knows exactly how many. The Fed claims it has “just over 400 Ph.D. economists.” Estimates have run as high as 3,000. Not even such a well-connected person as Paul Volcker, a former Fed chairman, had any idea what function these employees serve. It can be disclosed that he once demanded of a reporter: “What in the world do they all do?”

The Fed once went seven years without a dissenting vote on monetary policy on its board. This is one of the most explosive secrets ever offered for sale by the Journal. It was discovered by economist Judy Shelton lurking in open sources and electrified Fed watchers. During the tenures of Chairmen Powell and Yellen, no governor cast a dissenting vote on monetary policy. So the Sun referred to the Fed as GosFed, after the Soviet Central Bank. 

Inflation has an enormous constituency. This is one of the secrets of the Fed that is least understood. It turns out that  inflation is a gift to persons who owe money — and the most indebted entity is the United States government. So it has become inflation’s most faithful friend. With the Chinese regime holding just under a trillion dollars in American treasury bonds, the Fed sees the communist mandarins as chumps.

Finally, the Fed doesn’t know what a dollar is. The word “dollars” appears twice in the United States Constitution, yet it is not defined there. The Founders understood the dollar to have a fixed value in specie. The statutes that once defined the dollar as a fixed weight of silver or gold — a 35th of an ounce of the latter, as recently as 1971 — are gone, though, and the dollar has lost 98.8 percent of its value since the founding of the Fed.

No wonder the Chinese are on the hunt for secrets of the Fed. And no wonder the Senate refused to allow a vote on Ron Paul’s famous bill called “Audit the Fed.” News of the Communist Chinese spying prompted Chairman Jerome Powell to decry what he called “unfair, unsubstantiated and unverified insinuations.” If the above five secrets are not enough to shock the country, what else can the world’s most important central bank be hiding?