Step right up folks, put your money on the box, we’re going to play the old three-shell game called spot the vice president — represented by this little pea with a name on it. This particular pea has the name of Shapiro, after the governor of the Quaker State. We’re going to put that pea under this walnut shell, it’s in the middle, and there’s nothing under the other two shells, as you can see. Put your money down and are you ready?

Oh-Kay, now we’re sliding the shell in the center on the right. Now please all stand back, Shapiro’s the name, they say he’s cleared his schedule through January of 2029. And the shell on the right is moving to the far left and the shell on the far left to the far right and the shell in the center even further to the right and then you move the far right shell back to the center and — oh-kay, did you follow that? If you kept track of Mr. Shapiro, put your money down.

Ooooh-kay folks, we have three hunnerd dollars in the pot, last chance. Well, well, folks, this young lady, answers to Pelosi, has put down four hunnerd dollars. And yes we do take Bitcoin. We pick up the walnut shell. What? There’s no pea, and we pocket your four hundred, Madam. Guess again. You have two shells. Okay, the lady is loaded and puts down five hunnerd dollars on the shell on the left — and here we go, whoa, there’s the pea but the name on it is Walz.

How did that happen, folks? Alright, we’ll put the pea labeled Walz back under the shell on the right, now don’t do anything weird. Are you ready folks? What’s your name, young man? Joe Biden? Well sir, put your money on the box. And if you know which shell the vice president is under, just point. Ah, the shell on the left, you say, for $1 billion — remember, sir, we’re not ransoming hostages now, only the vice president. You pick the shell on the right. 

Ladies and gents, for a cool billion, the shell on the right. It has a pea, folks, but the name on the pea is Beshear. What’s that, you say, there’s nobody named Beshear in the whole entire U-nited States? Well we happen to have it on the best authority that he bides in a mansion at Frankfort in the old Bluegrass State and his calendar is blank until mid-2033. And, there he is now on this pea we’re holding, and he is up for vice president. Folks, we’ll have one more round. 

Please step back, folks, don’t crowd the box, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for another round, we see a young lady here in a Che Guevara T-Shirt ready to take a chance, the name’s A-O-C, you say? Now you can see the pea we’re holding here inscribed with the name of Kelly, that’s K-E-L-L-Y, the toast of the Grand Canyon State, please place your money on the box and we’ll get under way, we hear this Senator Kelly’s — well, an astronaut, they say. Bet high.