Submitted by jimmer, Oct 23, 2007 18:40

anyone who quotes willie b. williams in a review of a cheeseball flick like this is a great f'n critic...the best criticism often results from the lamest material...this review is a perfect example of that...
one major flaw: any reference to belushi and farley must now be replaced by references to artie lange...otherwise you sound out of step with the current zeitgeist involving fat heroin-loving comedians...
wait a minute: the second major flaw is conceptual in and out of the business...the idea of the high concept comedy, the pitch comedy, that pollutes our multiplexes like cinematic dioxin..."we're writing a satire of kung fu movies, only it's about ping pong...chuckle chuckle, here's tens of millions...we're writing about an all-male figure skating team...chuckle chuckle, here's tens of millions...we're writing about a middle-aged virgin...chuckle chuckle, here's the entire f'n safe...who cares if any of this crap is actually funny or even meaningful, the concept alone will generate green..."
compare that with a pitch like this: "a fat middle-aged shopowner with a bitchy wife who drinks a lot buys real estate from a scam artist. he thinks it's an orange grove but it's worthless. don't worry, we'll write in a totally stupid happy ending if we can figure out how to do so."
that would be w.c. fields' "it's a gift", the best feature-length movie by the greatest comedy artist of his era. pitchless.
or you can even update that to the 21st century. "two college roommates in early middle age set out to party in winemaking country a week before the promiscuous one gets married. they meet two chicks. they all drink a lot and eat a lot of overpriced food. the nerdy guy in the team of roommates mixes alcohol and tranquilizers and embarasses himself over the telephone. the promiscuous guy f's the promiscuous chick, loudly, unconcerned about their two friends. the other two have soulful conversations and drink heavily while trying to ignore them. it is unclear at this point whether the other chick is nerdy because, you know, she's a blonde hottie, her stuff is worth working. wackiness ensues. naked fat people show up in sexual situations because the promiscuous guy needs it so bad. The promiscuous guy, who plays a tv star, gets his face ground into a pulp with a motorcycle helmet by a real tv star who plays a character who isn't a tv star. The guys fake a car crash. The promiscuous guy gets married. The nerdy guy hooks up with the hottie because she thinks his unpublished book is really cool. the end.
Some pitch that would be, even by nowaday standards. Of course this roughly describes one of hollywood's best movies in recent years, an all-purpose creative triumph that was justifiably nominated for multiple oscars, even tho it sounds like utter garbage if you read a pitch or a basic storyline.
our lesson for today? pitch-driven movies almost inevitably suck...of course, "humongous gorilla destroys midtown manhattan before being shot down by airplanes as a result of being obsessed with a blonde chick" seemed to deliver...what is it about those blonde chicks anyways?

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